


Pray you might

by softlyspoken



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: After prison release fic, M/M, falling back together again, fluff-ish i suppose, idiots being scared idiots, slow progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22033117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softlyspoken/pseuds/softlyspoken
Summary: It’s not a date.Robert’s sitting looking across at his ex husband’s face under the yellow lights of the place and he knows with a lot in him that this isn’t a date.It can’t be a date.It’s a drink because Seb’s just won a football match and he’s decided that having a pizza with his friends is a lot more interesting than being with his dads.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 18
Kudos: 160





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> based on the tumblr prompt: Robert comes back from prison a few years down-the-line and he and Aaron are starting to grow close again? How about a little bit of what they're both thinking?

  
It’s not a date.

Robert’s sitting looking across at his ex husband’s face under the yellow lights of the place and he knows with a lot in him that this isn’t a date.

It can’t be a date.

It’s a drink because Seb’s just won a football match and he’s decided that having a pizza with his friends is a lot more interesting than being with his dads.

Robert had offered to buy them a round, his eyes darting towards a small little bar that was playing cheesy pop music. He forgot himself for a second, forgot this horrible hollowness that they both had stuck between them. He dared to hope and then Aaron was shrugging his shoulders and nodding.

Now, Robert’s staring right at him like he’ll disappear if he blinks.

“Have you been here before?” Robert plays with his hands, looks around the place nervously and then back at Aaron. 

“What?”

Robert asks what’s with his face in a polite way and Aaron doesn’t know what to do rather than sit and stare at him for a second. He thinks of how weird this is, how his foot won’t stop tapping against the stool and there’s this ache in his chest that won’t pass.

It’s Robert that gets him like this. It’s only Robert.

“Sort of sounds like an old chat up line.” Aaron shrugs, his shoulder bounces and Robert looks at him with these big round eyes. He regrets saying it as soon as it slips out, as soon as Robert’s head dips.

There’s this pit in his stomach, heavy and stoic and Robert’s sensitive stare chips at it over and over again. He’s scared of nothing being left there.

“Well how do I know what kids say these days?” He sounds like a dad, like a proper dad and it makes him sit up straighter before he realises how exactly it could sound. “I didn’t mean it like that though, I didn’t mean ... I wasn’t _chatting you up_.”

Aaron pulls a face. “You never have really.” He plays with a coaster, thinks of their first kiss so suddenly that it sends a violent jolt through him. It’s intense and he’s too sober for it. The thought forms in his head and then he’s trying to get the waiters attention.

“I’ll get these.” Robert says, he waves a hand and goes to order to pints before Aaron opts for a coke and it gets his eyebrow arching. “Sorry for assuming.”

“I don’t really drink that much these days.” It means there was a time he drank too much and was nasty and cruel and it just so happened to coincide with Robert being shipped off to an island without him.

The thought ripples right through him in this way that makes his palms sweaty.

“Missed that.”

Aaron looks up with wide eyes. He hasn’t realised that a pint has appeared in front of Robert.

“Oh.” Aaron leans forward and then back again, drums a hand across the table and then sees the froth over Robert’s mouth. “You’ve got ...”

Robert frowns, and Aaron rolls his eyes, brings his arm up to wipe it away with his jumper. Only Robert realises and pulls away to wipe it himself. He’s red and soft around the edges suddenly and Aaron almost smiles as his arm hands loosely against Robert’s mouth.

He pulls back, he has to pull back and stare down at the wooden table.

“Seb’s team were great weren’t they?” Robert leans over, and then smiles this smile that makes Aaron’s head really dizzy. He dips on his coke until the fizz gets to his brain and his teeth ache from the sugar. He feels it as he pushes it away and stares up.

Seb’s this anchor they have, this _reason_ they’re both doing whatever this is. Aaron’s calling it being civil, Robert’s calling it trying to not make Aaron hate him even more than he already does.

“Yeah. With him in goal.” Aaron nods. 

“And his mates aren’t actually crazy so ...” Aaron tilts his head and watches Robert thinking.

“Deon and Freddie?”

Aaron smiles. “Close. DJ and Freddie.”

“ _DJ_?” Robert pulls a face and Aaron nods. “Who names their child ...”

Aaron sees him getting all confused over the name and it make him scoff, start laughing.

It cuts through something so sharply. Robert stares at Aaron, eyes flickering into something he can’t quite get to and then he’s looking away again and round at the place.

It’s dark enough for couples to hide in corners, dance like fools without anyone watching. Robert smiles weakly and then looks back at Aaron.

“This has been ...”

“Been what Robert?” Aaron dares, he really dares himself and it makes this heap of difference between them again. He looks at Robert and feels this sudden ache hit him, he’s so scared it won’t ever leave.

“I just ...” Robert stops himself when he hears the gentle beat of a familiar song. “Do you hear that?”

Aaron’s heart constricts in this sudden way and he keeps his head down.

The song plays on. It’s gentle and slow at first and then Adele’s singing her lungs out and it’s not like they can both sit here and ignore it.

“They’re playing ...”

“Yeah I know.” Aaron almost snaps, there’s this heat in his voice and a bounce to his knee again that he can’t quite control. His shoulders tense around it all.

“Bear’s den will be playing next.” Robert looks at Aaron, thinks he should run for the hills because he doesn’t want him like this. He can’t look at Aaron and knows that there’s memories of them that make him so sad. “I ...”

Aaron’s hands are over the table, he’s playing with them gently and Robert stares at them. The song is still going and he brings a hand slowly towards his, he hovers for a second and then places it down with this determined look on his face. 

“Dance with me?” 

Because he didn’t think he’d hold a hand over Aaron’s. He didn’t think they’d be going to Seb’s football matches and he’d be being called dad by him so quickly. He didn’t know and he’s so thankful and this seems worth it in so many ways. 

He can handle Aaron letting go. He can handle this agony of Aaron hating him still and never being able to get passed all that pain. 

He can handle it because there’s no other way. 

Aaron’s eyes are wet and he breathes in. “You what?”

Robert can’t bring himself to repeat it. A second or two goes by and then Aaron’s looking around.

“In here?”

Robert nods his head timidly then looks over at the small space where some woman’s hanging off this other girl and swinging her hips slowly. “They are.”

“They’re pissed.”

Robert leans back, hand falling away. “Look I’m not asking you to marry me for a third time or anything. Just ...” He realises he’s an idiot when Aaron’s wiping at his face. He’s making him cry and the feeling swoops through his chest so quickly. 

Aaron doesn’t know why he’s crying. It’s this and Robert and the fact that he never thought they’d be back to whatever this is. 

Robert stands, grabs his car and it makes Aaron’s heart sink. Robert’s running a hand through his hair and then sighing. 

“I’m sorry. I’m ... can you let Seb know I’m dead proud of him.” Robert stares down, can’t get over how stupid he is as he walks towards the exit.

He’s halfway through, big strides pushing through crowds, and then there’s this sound of achair scrapping against the floor. Robert stops, half turns and Aaron’s biting his lip, eyes wet again and holding his hand out.

“Come on then. It’s nearly finished.”

Robert’s stomach swirls and he feels like his legs are about to give way but he manages to smile and nod his head a little before walking back towards Aaron.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I was absolutely not planning on writing anything else for this little world but the comments were so encouraging I had to finish off the tiny bits left in my head for this. This is the end now though so don't try pulling my arm with it anymore. Hope you enjoy where I take it.

  
They dance.

Aaron’s hand hangs loose against Robert’s waist and his shoulders seem to move in time to the music. There’s this soft haze about him, Robert focuses on it as they travel to nowhere and stare at each other.

Eventually, Aaron braves a hand close against Robert’s lower back and he snakes up and up like he’s trying to feel if there’s more of Robert he doesn’t know. There’s this feeling running through Robert as he sways, heart thudding so hard he’s sure Aaron can hear it.

There’s a change when Aaron’s hand stops moving and settles right at the centre of Robert’s back. He blinks, once, twice, and then Robert’s wearing a wedding suit and they’re younger. They’re stupid and madly in love in this way that Aaron’s not sure he’ll ever be able to get over.

He’s swept up in it for a second, remembers how his face ached from smiling so much. He doesn’t want Robert to see, so he dips his head down and for a second it hangs against Robert’s shoulder.

Robert closes his eyes around what he knows is the smallest of surrenders to what this is. He welcomes it, he’s wanted it for so long and yet knows he’s so sickeningly underserving of it all.

Aaron pulls away eventually, eyes red and wet. “Robert.” He says, it doesn’t sound like a question, it sort of hangs high in the air like a cloud until it starts raining, and he says, “The song’s stopped.”

Robert stares at him, bites his cheek to stop him from doing something stupid like cry. “Right. Sorry.” He steps back, feels Aaron’s hands return to his sides and this space exist between them that he doesn’t know what to do with.

Aaron stares at him, eyes wider, bluer because of the tears that won’t fall. He hasn’t done that, cried, not since he first set eyes on Robert again. Everything has been nearly bottled up inside and it’s so much easier that way than whatever’s happening now.

“I don’t want you upset.” Apparently, clearly, it’s the wrong thing to say because Aaron turns his head and scoffs. He looks like something inside him is hurting so badly. “I just ...”

“Why ask me to dance with you?” Aaron asks, his lip is almost bleeding from the way he keeps chewing at it nervously. His hands rub up and down his arm and he frowns.

Robert’s stunted by the simple question. He hangs his head for a second because he doesn’t want to tell him why.

“You think I’d forget everything?” Aaron gets it. He’s always got it. “We’d be in this _bubble_ again?”

Robert nods. “Maybe.” He shrugs. “But I’m an idiot.”

“An idiot?”

“ _More_ than ...” Robert runs a hand over his chin and up towards his cheeks before blinking. “I should go.” He decides.

Aaron nods, but there’s this anger that Robert can see. It’s everywhere, it’s running through Aaron’s veins and making him scowl. “You’re good at that.”

Sometimes, there’s just sometimes when Robert feels this need to not hate himself and become buried amongst it. Now is one of those times and the feeling chases him down. “You know you make out like I walked out on you. Like I didn’t have a _choice_ but to spend ...”

“We had choices. We had plans. We had _all_ of that.” Aaron’s so bitter and he hates how it pours out when all he wants is for it to go away. He looks at Robert, blinks twice and sees a stranger. It hurts, it makes him almost double over. “But you broke it. You.”

You. Him. Just him.

Robert nods again like he agrees, like he understands, like _something_ makes sense. Then he leaves. 

—

Robert keeps himself exactly to himself which means away from Aaron. It’s been three months since the moment, the dance, whatever happened between them and he’s convinced himself he’s fine.

There’s an emptiness but that’s always been there. It’s getting easier because he isn’t alone anymore. Vic is fiercely determined for him to start living again and Bobby and Seb are these reminders of that.

He stands now with a hand clasped around a champagne flute and wearing a suit that doesn’t fit him anymore. He thanks access to the gym and years to claim equipment for the tightness of the fit. The thought consumes him until Aaron comes into the pub.

Seb’s in a suit, looks weirdly unordinary and Bob points out how much he looks like his little boy. He says that, says little boy and Robert’s left staring at a weedy fifteen year old boy with locks and freckles and this clear adoration for Aaron.

He sees himself something scary.

Aaron’s in a suit too, blue and lightly patterned with diagonal lines. It’s almost too grown up for Robert to consider for him and then he’s smacked around the head by years and years that have passed by.

Robert steps forward when Seb comes towards him. He seems too old for hugs but maybe he makes exceptions for Robert.

“You alright mate?” Seb nods, he has a second of his attention before he’s running towards the buffet laid on. Behind him, Aaron stood, so now he’s all Robert can look at. He supposes, no, he knows he should spin around and make conversation with Nicola considering she’s been bonkers enough to have this poxy vow renewal ceremony. He goes to, makes small steps before Aaron speaks.

“Nicola ain’t gone all out then.” Aaron actually lifts himself up a little so Robert can hear him and there’s this thumping in his chest. 

_Please turn around, please say something._ The thought trickles through him and leaves him petrified. Then he’s thinking of turning away himself and bolting out the door.

Robert looks around the place. Aaron’s right. She’s somehow mellowed herself since Elliot became an MP and practically begged her to. “Yeah. Modest.”

Aaron half smiles. “Not that we can talk.” He pushes himself because he wants to, because he really wants to. Robert frowns faintly. “You. Me. Here.” He looks around and points to behind the bar. “Bumblebee as decoration?”

Robert thinks of it, the memory is stored away in a place he has no right to go. He closes his eyes and then breathes in. “Even this was too classy.” Aaron frowns now. “Me. You. Your uncle’s garage.”

Aaron almost laughs. His head tilts and then he looks back at Robert. He feels like he’s been whacked around the head when Robert breathes out slowly. “I’ve not seen you around.” He gulps, remembers himself. “Not that I’ve been ...”

“I’ve been busy.” Robert sticks his head down and stares at how not shiny his shoes are. “Working and stuff.”

Aaron bites his lip, remembers driving Seb to Robert’s flat and waiting outside in the car before Seb waved at him through the window. He hasn’t been inside, the place isn’t his. “How’s ...”

“Aaron, we don’t have to do this.” Robert tells him, he almost pleads with him to understand it all. There’s all this soft romantic music playing and he’s sure Seb is talking to a girl way too old for him but all he can focus on is Aaron trying when he shouldn’t be.

“Do what?”

Robert chews his gum, stands straighter. “I know Seb asks questions, hates that we’re not ...” He can’t even bring himself to say it. “But it’s OK.”

“OK?” Aaron whispers, his eyes are red and filling with tears so quickly that he can hardly speak. “You’re OK with how ... how things are?”

Robert won’t ever be. “I’m grateful.” Aaron wants to hate him so much. “Seb sort of likes me.”

“Loves you.” Aaron stammers the words out and suddenly realises how out of place this whole display is in here. He wipes at his eyes quickly and then watches Robert almost smile.

“You’re not chucking me out of the village. Vic’s happy. Bobby’s amazing. I’m OK.” Robert nods his head. “After years of being in there, being OK is ... it’s more than OK.” He doesn’t know how else to say it so he just stops speaking. His mouth closes shut and Aaron nods.

They just stare at each other for a second longer before Marlon’s tapping Robert’s back and asking him if he wants whatever a jellied biscuit is. Robert passes on it and when he turns back, Aaron’s not standing opposite him anymore. 

—

Nicola gets well and truly pissed and starts talking about how proud she is of her children who are somehow changing the world. Vic and him watch her and laugh until she’s falling flat on her arse

“At her age, she’ll be out for at least a week.” Vic says, sipping some champagne and smiling. 

Robert laughs, then watches Jimmy help her up and pull her into some weird little attempt at dancing to Oh, What A Night. He supposes the party is winding down, supposes that he’ll have to sleep at Vic’s instead of driving him. 

He watches Aaron from across the room. He’s talking to Eve, swirling her around a little although she protests. 

“Vic ...” He starts and then stops when Bobby asks her if he can play on one of Seb’s video games. She’s off inspecting it like a mum does and he sits to watch the world go by. 

Eventually, they turn the lights down and start playing soppy music. He almost immediately rolls his eyes, feels his heart tense up and he goes to ask Vic for her spare keys so he can get himself off to bed. 

“Dance.” It’s Aaron. He knows his voice. He spins around slowly and Aaron’s bright red face is clear even in the darkness. He has big wide eyes and breathes in. “You. I mean ... would you like to? It’s a question. That’s a question.”

Robert stares at his shoes again. “With you?”

Aaron almost smiles, his shoulders sagging slightly. “No, with Kim Tate.” He shudders, Robert can hear it. “With me.”

“You hate dancing.”

“Well I ...” Aaron goes to say something honest and true and then pulls back slightly. “I want to now.” It seems to stand for a lot, seems to make Robert gaze at him like he’s managed to say something deeper. 

“What if I’m ... I’m no good anymore. Damaged beyond repair.” Aaron’s heart breaks so deeply and he loves him still. He loves him despite whatever’s happened before he was back standing here in front of him. “At dancing.” Robert tries in vain to make up for what he’s said, clarify it somehow. 

Aaron breathes in and then out again before nodding. “I reckon you are.” He says. “Still good. So good.” 

“You don’t know m— that anymore.”

Aaron pulls this face, edges closer. “Maybe we can try fixing that.” He says. “Together.” His hand is suddenly around Robert’s wait, his forehead stuck towards Robert’s. There’s tiny questions bubbling between them, millions and millions that could easily burst this. 

There’s Robert petrified that he isn’t worthy, isn’t enough, can’t not be hated by the man who he did leave despite not wanting to. There’s Aaron traumatised by living this scary half life that’s never given him what he’s wanted and that making him cautious of letting old feelings rush back in.

But now, Aaron brings his head into the curve of Robert’s shoulder and sways gently. He knows peace after years and it’s helped by Seb elbowing Bobby to look at them. He’s got this smile on his face and when Aaron looks up, so has Robert.

They keep dancing, swaying back and forth before Aaron feels the damn burst open and this tightness let go of him. He has his lips pressed against Robert’s within seconds and it feels like something is sparking inside of him. There’s tears rolling down his face and a hand clasped in Robert’s and the sound of Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You climaxing in the background.

And it’s them. It’s them again.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if you enjoyed it if you have the time pals!


End file.
